Pre-Digested Literature

Posted on: 11/02/2009

By Jack Dunford

Sometimes you don’t have enough time to read a best seller, so some elitist plops may not respect you, just because you’ve not read “an essential best seller” and understand the “deep inner meaning the author tried to get across”. But fear not dear reader, here are some of the most important books (and lesser books) in history summed up in simple sentences…

Of Mice And Men – All of your dreams will never come true, and your best mate will shoot you in the back of the head at any opportunity.

The Catcher In The Rye – Some people are just born crazy.

Harry Potter – So what if there’s gay head teachers?  It’s none of my business where Dumbledore puts his wand.

Hound Of The Baskervilles – Beware of the dog.

Twilight – There is no age limit to love. A 400 year old vampire can love a 14 year old girl. Nothing wrong with a bit of intergenerational rubbing.

My Booky Wook – Russell Brand loves money.

Animal Farm – Don’t trust communists. There all pigs.

Romeo And Juliette – 14 year olds should not be aloud to copulate. It only ends in tears.

War And Peace –You’ve read a book over 1000 pages. Congratulations. Your better than everyone else.

Midsummer Nights Dream – Everybody makes an ass of themselves sometimes.

1984 – Watch out for perverts with cameras. Oh, and 2 + 2 does equal 4.

A Clockwork Orange – Too much milk is bad for you.

Catch 22 – Try to avoid getting into sticky situations.

Lord Of The Flies – Gangs of kids are a nightmare. Don’t become a teacher.

The Lord Of The Rings – Being gay is a struggle, thus lots of euphemisms (Destroy Sauron ring, etc).

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – Screw authority, they’re trying to suppress you man. Steal a bus and have some anarchic fun.  Watch out for the quiet ones.

Moby-Dick – Man vs. Whale is an uneven match.

Forest Gump – If you stay dumb, history comes to you.

Frankenstein – Playing God can be fun, as long as you keep it chained down.

Jeckyll and Hyde – We’re different to different people.

Did I miss any? If so help out below…


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