Rain, rain go away, come again? No, don’t

Posted on: 23/10/2009

By Simon England

Has anyone else noticed how Peter Symonds is a really, really crap place to be in the rain? Yes? Well, not much point in me writing the rest of this article then is there! Unfortunately, I do not think the editor will be all that happy with me submitting a two line report especially with me expecting him to publish it. He wasn’t last time at any rate. But I digress. What you really want to know is why everyone else seems to have some exciting school trip planned for their subjects, while all you’re doing is catching up on sleep. Sadly, that too is another story, and I’m here to talk about rain instead.You will no doubt have realised by now that Peter Symonds is very much an indoor college and this is by no means abnormal. In fact one might go so far as to say that this is an incredibly normal aspect for a college; indeed if you were to arrive for a taster day at a college, and enter your (input favourite subject name here) lesson, only to find the room had no roof, you might be sorely disappointed, maybe to the point of choosing a separate college entirely. Fortunately Symonds is a very much roofed institution, and I don’t know about you but I feel this has been an important factor in its success. Anyway, the fact that Symonds has a roof really does beget the question, ‘What’s all this about Symonds being crap in the rain?’  More to the point it begets the question ‘Why are you writing this article?’ Both are good questions. Both are relevant. One is a little insulting, and I’m slightly hurt that you thought about it, because I could just as easily ask why you are reading it. (At this point I’d like to make clear that I am very pleased that you are reading this, and I hope you make sure many others have the chance to enjoy it. Or maybe just come back to read it again, it doesn’t matter, we still get hits.)

Moving swiftly on, I think my original intention was to write about the rain at Symonds, so I suppose I’d better: when it rains, people often find themselves more miserable than when it wasn’t. Phrases such as ‘Oh not again’, ‘Typical British weather’ and ‘Oh God, it’s raining again’ spring to mind. Note the use of time related adverbs, implying repetition of similar weather before and giving an overall more gloomy effect to the sentence. Even attempts to make rain sound like a good thing only result in unintentional sarcasm; ‘Yay – it’s raining again’. Thus even when it has only just begun to precipitate, students find themselves surrounded by misery, and also a gargantuan range of assorted coloured and patterned umbrellas. Now I’ve nothing against umbrellas, but when you’re trying to fit six people under one round, flimsy, sorry excuse for plastic, things can get a little… cramped. And wet. And pushy. Especially if those same flimsy pieces of plastic have around the edge several long, sharp, very poky pieces of metal. Not good. Not good at all.

Now then, I’ve considered numerous master plans for the general repression, prevention, and obstruction of this most annoying and not exactly potable liquid ruining the area in the vicinity of Peter Symonds College, from massive umbrellas, to hundreds of small ones stitched together at the corners, from massive wind turbines on the roof to kilometre wide butterfly nets with which to catch and remove the offending clouds. I even considered the option of getting everyone in the college to think really, really hard about the sun shining, and the clouds not raining, two times every day, but then of course I figured some people might just fake it, which would invalidate the whole exercise and send everyone else’s hard work down the drain, and I didn’t want that on my conscience. So in the end I decided that short of getting everyone to carry a flame thrower with which to vaporise any potential rain (bit of a health and safety hazard since it has the potential to cause mild congestion in the corridors what with those massive fuel tanks), we’d just have to lump it, and either stay indoors, or get wet standing under dodgy umbrella wearing a sub-standard coat. Oh well – look on the bright side, its…well…hmm. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

As experienced by Simon England, and most of the college as well.


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