The BUZZ

Christmas – or nothing

Posted on: 08/12/2009

by Si England

Ahh – Christmas. I noticed that everyone appears to be writing about Christmas though, so unfortunately none of you will ever get to read my witty and amusing thoughts on the subject. Instead I’m not going to write about anything. Or indeed everything (maybe next time). That is to say, I will proceed to write about nothing.

Diddly squat. Zilch. Naught. Absolutely sod all. Now, nothing is very difficult to write about – there isn’t actually a lot you can say. Everything, on the other hand, has a very wide spectrum of possible areas to study – everything is actually quite interesting, whereas nothing is boring.

Imagine you’re in a room (if you have trouble with this sort of thing, find the nearest building, and see if they have any – they often do, I find). Now imagine that there is nothing in the room, remember, this is quite different from everything, in that it lacks anything at all. Nothing is very hard to describe, but I’m trying my best. At this point it is best to mention this is quite pointless, I may in fact be merely extrapolating on the possibility of experiencing nothing.

Anyway, you may proceed to paint the walls white, and then make that blank (remember, there’s nothing outside the room, so you can’t see anything). Now remove the floor, being especially careful not to fall – bear in mind there is nothing to fall through anyway, and of course nothing to break your fall either. Now the trickiest bit approaches – you must get rid of the door. Done? You are now in a room with no floor, walls or door. Good luck getting out.

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