Why do we fall for them?

Posted on: 12/03/2010

By Frankie Koehler

Sweaty palms? Nervous twitches? Blushing cheeks? Every time we see that one special person, we are overwhelmed by reactions such as these. Whether that special person is just a crush or perhaps something more; they jellify your knees, and they give you butterflies in your stomach and you don’t know why.

We feel a strong attraction to a person and we can’t understand how our friends have to question what we see in them; as we think they are amazing. Then because we think they are perfect beyond words, we go all silly and mushy and often find it hard to talk to them, or take our eyes off them. We find ourselves constantly finding excuses to talk about our crush, and attempt to bring them into every conversation. Then frustrated, our friends ask us to explain what we see in our crush; but when we think about it we can’t actually pinpoint what it is about them that we like.

If I had a pound for every time a friend asked me what I saw in someone, or I questioned their choice; I would be a millionaire. Seriously. If that were the case; I wouldn’t need to go to college or ever get a job! You see, we frequently get asked why we fall for the people we do, but the truth is we’ll probably never know completely. It is never one simple thing, but a cluster of several hundred different reasons. But there must be some causes for us falling for certain people; so I decided to do some reading into it and investigate why we fall for those we do.

It would be a lie to say that there is one set of reasons for us crushing over the people we do; however there are some explanations which can help to explain what it is about that person we like. The first theory I will explain is actually to do with your subconscious thought…

When we are young we form a list of qualities we want in a partner. The formation of the criteria isn’t a conscious one, so some of us aren’t aware that we have this list. The list contains aspects of people we have met through life that we like. These qualities range from the colour of their eyes, to the way in which they walk. We then use this list to help us find people who match our criteria when we are single. Even if we are not aware we are on a search for that special person, our mind always keeps an eye out. It is suggested that if a person doesn’t match your criteria then you will not fall for them, even if they are a great person.

Another reason we fall for some people is because they’re our opposite. Yes, it is true; we are just like magnets in the fact that we attract opposites. You’d think that if you are completely opposite to someone, you wouldn’t get on, right? Well that’s where you are wrong. In some cases it won’t work, but in other cases it can work. It can work because; although we don’t have anything in common with this person we can gain something from them.

When we feel attracted to someone who is our opposite, it is often because they have a quality which we would like ourselves but do not have. This could be something like confidence or a talent in an area such as sport. We are drawn to this person because we hope that they can teach us to be more like them. This attraction can result in us having a relationship with someone who is nothing like us.

Another reason we feel attracted to some people is due to their scent. Yes, believe it or not we are attracted to people because of their natural smell. Also if someone is attracted to us we can fall for them too. Due to changes in them, our unconscious picks up the person’s attraction towards us. These changes include the dilation of pupils, and the edges of the eyes softening. Also smiles are said to become wider when you are smiling at the person you like, so we pick up on that unconsciously too.

So there you have it. Some of the reasons you may feel how you do about that special someone. So the next time a friend asks you why it is you like the person you do; rather than say “I don’t know,” why not surprise them by saying one of those possible reasons. Feel free to comment on this article and share other reasons you think that you like that special person in your life.


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